How much can a man suffer for love?
I don't know. All I know is that suffering is never easy. And if you keep pushing forward you might not like where you end up and realize you can't go back.
What do you do then?
When moving forward pushes the dagger deeper into your heart, staying still is nothing but waiting until you bleed yourself dry and moving back is no longer an option you can only toss one coin and hope for a miracle. Hope that the one single coin toss can bring about the fortune of guiding you towards the right path. Hope that the landing of the coin will echo towards the light of salvation and like the only toll of a solitary bell ringing down valleys as empty as your soul you will find the music inside and upon it build the strength to push through.
But what if your loved one is actually dragging you back without a reason? What if selfishness mistaken for caring  will weigh you back into this hopeless situation?
Will you keep finding the strength to impale the dagger through your hearth every time it heals? Or will you just give up and run away ? Will you purge yourself of feeling and turn everything to hate? Or will you be willing to pay any price just to cling to hope for a second longer? I am not capable of understanding what I feel but I just know and thus I cannot get how people that aren't strong enough to deal with their feelings. Lately I've been running dry on patience and I've been turning into a hateful person. I do not like it nor am I proud of it. I loathe I am coming down to this but in the end I am just paying the price for my ignorance. I really thought I could be happy for once. I really fought hard and kept impaling myself with the dagger barely hanging on to myself and here I am, at a crossroads again for the thousandth time. Will I start another circle or will I break into a spiral that tends towards infinity? How many more times will I encounter love before I can finally be happy? Questions keep piling up on myself and in the end I might just break. But now it's not the time. Now I have a greater mission ahead. I must sacrifice my heart and pierce the dagger through it until I get to see her happy. I just can't stand the amount of pain behind her every fake smile. So, as long as she lets me, I will continue to act as a lightning rod and take all the pain I can carry away from her.